Blender Bros. - SNES Vibes, Snoozy Engagement

7/10/24

I’ve said it a thousand times - it’s so much easier to talk about something I adore, or something I loathe, than something I just feel… nothing for. Sometimes all the pieces are there - beautiful graphics, a fantastic developer, vibes that feel like the golden age of 2D platformers of the SNES… Blender Bros. has potential, to be sure, but it’s widely mediocre core gameplay, coupled with annoying bosses, ridiculously short and easy levels, and a core yet optional feeling collectables system doesn’t save Blender Bros. from being one of the more forgettable games I’ve thus encountered within the Game Boy Abyss.

Briefly, for those who read these week-to-week, I apologize for the lack of reviews in the last month or so - I moved house, and with packing, unpacking, and everything in between, I just haven’t had the time to really devote myself to the Game Boy Abyss. But now I’m finally sliding back into the swing of things, so expect a far more frequent schedule moving forward. Still might be a bit intermittent for the next few weeks, but I’m working hard!

Blender Bros. levels are divided across the various planets and locales of (seemingly) the Solar System, with most locations being made up of three or four levels a piece. At the end of each set of levels, you’ll encounter a boss, who upon beating will likely unlock another planet for you to defend. The game has a touch of nonlinearity to it, with you sometimes getting a choice of which set of levels you want to tackle next, but other than that, it’s a pretty traditional set-up in regards to level progression. The overall context as to why you’re fighting from planet to planet is that the Blender Bros, the defenders of (seemingly) the Solar System, are battling invaders known as the Zooligans, who are attempting to wipe up humanity. It’s a very, very basic story, but it’s got enough silly charm for the brief cutscenes to put a smile on your face.

The majority of levels follow pretty standard 2D platforming fare, with a focus on utilizing main character Blender’s ears; you’ll move across levels, knocking down fools with ear spin attacks, climb poles and ledges with their ears, and all that kind of thing. The game’s biggest innovation is the interaction with the background; frequently, you’ll traverse passageways into the game’s backgrounds, exploring new areas as if it’s just a new room, but sometimes you’ll interact with the background *from* the foreground, such as tossing bombs to trigger puzzles, or take down enemies who’d otherwise be peppering you with projectiles. Maybe saying innovative is a bit much, but you don’t really see it in that many GBA games of the time. Whilst I have severe misgivings with the sheer briefness of the majority of the levels, and it’s general ease, I will give the game it’s props for having a general good feel - Blender moves with a fluidity more often seen on the SNES, especially when it comes to his bounces and whatnot.

Sadly, despite this great look and decent overall feel to the gameplay itself, the latter is never really utilized to the level it deserves. The vast majority of Blender Bros. levels are short - sometimes only a few minutes long - and painfully easy for the most part. Basic platforming, a near total lack of puzzles, and no real danger from game overs, as if in the unlikely event of failing, you’re only kicked back to the start of that specific stage - mere minutes of progress, at the very most. Combat is also an afterthought, at least in the platforming stages; most enemies die in a single hit, More annoyingly, the only time it tries to challenge you at all is with incredibly frustrating segments - like climbing horizontally along a pole and trying to dodge a little lightning ball that only moves *just* as you’re jumping over it, with little-to-no room given to the player to actually dodge it, leading to constant restarts of the same segments because of the incredibly tight maneuvers needed.

The game’s main defining feature comes in the Mini Bros. system; essentially equippable little dudes who will give you a bespoke ability to assist you in platforming and boss stages. Strewn across the platforming stages - not hidden, but sometimes a little out of the way. A few of these are actually required for progression; two are used to enhance water-based platforming, whilst another will light up dark rooms - thankfully, the game does provide little stations to give you a chance to swap out your Mini Bros. if a certain one is required. Helpful, to be sure, but I’d prefer that the Mini Bros. had a little more reason to use them outside of actually needing them to progress. Whilst there was a variety of them to play around them, I mostly stuck to the same two - one would heal you by one (of three) hearts when your gauge was filled, whilst another passively improved the reach of your basic strikes - everything else just seemed to not provide the constant benefits these two did.

Beyond just collecting them, a menu located in the Blender Bros. home base allows you too spend banked resources - the ‘coins’ of the game - on items you can then feed to your Mini Bros. with certain items then evolving them to a more powerful stage. But, the fact of the matter is, I never found the game challenging enough that I needed to really focus on evolving any of these guys, though I could see someone more enamoured with the game spending the time to find them all, and ultimately it feels like the main way to retain your interest beyond the game’s short campaign - I just don’t feel the need to grind them out when I’m not too hot on the core game to start with.

There’s not even a ton of variety to be found throughout Blender Bros. as a whole; outside of the platforming segments that make up the bulk, you’ll occasionally engage in time-based vehicle segments, and a boss fight at the climax of each planet. The former vehicle segments are pretty fun at first - you’re basically speeding through a linear track, trying to collect four keys and reaching the bomb at the end of the course within a few minutes. The excellent Mode 7 graphics is incredible evocative, as the game is as a whole, of classic SNES titles, butt he fact of the matter is once you’ve done one of these levels, you’ve done them all; sure, the timers get a little more strict, there’s a little more debris in the way, but it is still pound for pound the same kind of level. Car. Key. Bomb. Done.

And perhaps you’d expect I’d have fonder things to say about the boss fights, as they kind of present the opposite situation - challenging, bespoke boss fights. Consisting of the commanders of the invading force, which usually appear at the final stage of each planet, with one or two popping up at alternate moments. Now, I said they were the opposite of the dime-a-dozen vehicle stages… Which isn’t to say they’re particularly fun, though; as far as I can gather, you can only have a max of three hearts - three hits - to make up your health bar, but boss health pools rapidly balloon from around half a dozen hearts to closer to the realm of twenty, making them feel almost puzzle-esque, learning the patterns, efficiently dodging and counter-attacking in turn. Maybe I’m just trying to find something nice to say about them, as the game’s already lacking combat doesn’t get any extra shine from these encounters, especially considering the minute amount of invincibility damage frames you and the bosses have, ending fights - both in your favour, and against - in moments. The overall design philosophy just doesn’t work for me that well - yes, these fights become pretty easy once you understand the patterns, but it’s intensely frustrating to just get your already limited health pool decimated just because of a small mistake. Ah well. It is satisfying enough to really work out the patterns, but beyond that, they’re just as forgettable as the rest of the game.

I can’t help but laud how good Blender Bros. looks though; it captures all the charm, character, and aesthetics that was so common in the SNES era of platformers - in fact a lot of Blender Bros. feels like it would’ve been perfectly at home with the weird-ass, short-as-hell platformers of the day - in fact, I think the game is a little comparable as a weird little Kirby with a stranger version of Star Fox as the cast. The boss designs are definitely the highlight, feeling like a cast of characters who’d I could imagine being a burgeoning furries hyperfixation once upon a time, or perhaps in the future as this game, for some godforsaken reason, got re-released a few years ago on Steam. No new bells, no new whistles, just good ‘ol Blender Bros. on Steam.

No element of Blender Bros. is particularly atrocious, but it’s just a huge bubble of mediocrity that I find it hard to recall that much about it less than a week after playing it. It’s pretty as hell, and the ability to traverse and affect the background from the foreground does actually feel pretty ahead of the curve. But everything else - from the incredibly easy, incredibly short platformers stages, the ancillary-yet-core Mini Bros. system, and boss fights never seem to hit the mark. It is, ultimately, very charming, but beyond that failed to make any real impact on my psyche. It’s rarely good enough to recommend, but equally as rarely earns any real scorn. It’s a nothing game for me, which is insane considering it was made by Hudson Soft, one of the big heavy lifters for Nintendo’s third party support in that era. It’s true that I’d rather play a 7, or 8 out of 10 game then a 5 like Blender Bros., but the same is true I’d rather play a 2 or a 3 - at least it’s easier to talk about! And that’s all that Blender Bros. is - forgettable. Pretty, but forgettable.

Thank you for reading my review of Blender Bros. on the Game Boy Abyss! I’m sorry again, this took far, far too long to come out, but I’m moved in to my house, I’ve got my setups, and more reviews are in the pipeline. As always, you can find me over @lemmy7003 on Twitter, can email me at mgeorge7003@hotmail.com, and find me streaming on Twitch under GameBoyAbyss! Thanks again for reading, and I’ll see you soon!